Layla turned 15 months old just over a week ago and it is around about this age that Daddy Hazelden and I would start trying for another baby, that's not the case this time round though.
Daddy Hazelden had a vasectomy a couple of months after I gave birth to Layla. At the time I agreed to him having it done, all be it very reluctantly, it was the "sensible" thing to do.
Trouble is, as predicted, I am now feeling extremely broody again!!!
Thinking with my head I know having another child wouldn't be the right thing to do for many reasons including the increase of money being spent and because there wouldn't be enough space in our current home.
However my heart feels differently, the complete opposite in fact. People tell me I'm mad when I say that I could quite happily have another baby.
I don't know what makes me feel this way, I keep searching for answers in the hope that I can make the feelings vanish.
I've asked myself :
Is it because I never had a boy? But honestly I would be quite happy with a netball team of girls so I don't think it is that.
Is it because I never got the water birth that I so longed for? I don't think so because I am just grateful for the child that comes out happy and healthy at the end.
Maybe because I never got to give breastfeeding a fair try? Again when I really think about it, yes it would have been nice to do it for longer than a week but it isn't the be all and end all
Or maybe just maybe it is because I was born to be a mum.
When friends and family announce that they are having babies, of course I am more than happy for them but that feeling is tinged with jealousy because I wish it could be me.
My baby just isn't a baby anymore, she is morphing into a toddler before my eyes and it really upsets me that I will never get to experience all those first moments again.
So what I really want to know is, does this feeling of wanting another child ever go away??
xxxx
I think it's all down to your point about 'born to be a mum', if someone is born to be a singer they have that gift for the rest of their lives and if they get opportunities to show that off they will...in the case of being a mum, we feel that sense of love and overwhelming happiness, something that only giving birth can give us..For me I always wanted a big family, until I had Abbie and suffered so badly from PNA (post natal anxiety), I swore I would never put myself through that again, panic attacks and not being able to leave the house with a newborn baby was never fun, but now shes 14 months and I've become more confident I have recently had that same urge to have another baby, it goes to show that no matter how hard it is and what you have to deal with, nothing beats the feeling of taking care of your little baby and giving them all the love you can and feeling it back..You're not alone :) xx
ReplyDeleteVery very true Jess. I think a part of it is the feeling of being needed and the more they grow up the less they seem to need me for. I think I've said a couple of times things like if she had been my first I wouldn't of had another but one cuddle and I quickly change my mind!! Thanks for commenting xx
DeleteThis must be hard for you! I don't know if it will pass or not, some people are just natural mothers (not me which is why I won't be having any more!) but your babies still very much need you and will really never stop needing you although these needs will change over time. It is a loss though, it's the end of a stage in your life and I think it is important to recognise that.
ReplyDeleteIt is surprising because when I was younger the thought of having children terrified me but as soon as I fell pregnant with my eldest daughter the maternal switch just flicked on. It really does feel like a loss in a way x
DeleteMine didn't go away until I had my 3rd and then I just knew our family was complete. The 3rd was a boy though, after two girls and although I told myself over and over that I would be happy if he was a girl, I wonder if perhaps I would have felt a bit like you? I'm sure that's not your situation though and maybe the feeling will pass in time. Vasectomies can always be reversed you know ;) Probably not very helpful!
ReplyDeletepahaha hubby would never agree to a reversal, he almost passed out having the vasectomy done lol x
DeleteI was talking to my mum about this because I would love another baby but my husband doesnt. My mum would of loved more children after my brother and I but she wasnt able to. She said it was years before she accepted there wouldn't be anymore. In my case ive only got one and so I would like two. I think I find it hard to imagine never being pregnant again, never having that new born smell. Xxx
ReplyDeleteI hope you get the second baby!! xx
DeleteI have two girls and sometimes I get broody but seeing as they're now 9 and 5 the feeling does pass. There will be a point when lie ins are possible on a Saturday morning and that feeling of lying in bed with no baby awake that will actually make you thankful that you sticked at 2
ReplyDeleteBNM
aaa yes lie ins, definitely something to look forward too lol x
DeleteOh it's so hard isn't it, I don't know what our plans will be but those memories are so hard to capture that it feels like a really elusive emotion you have with a newborn x
ReplyDeleteyes and it is those kind of memories that you want to save forever x
DeleteFor me the feeling has not gone yet, I'm still as broody as I was 16 years ago. I now have 6 children and would love more. I have 3 boys and 3 girls so I don't think broodiness is anything to do with you not having a boy. I guess it's just our hormones. I feel I was definitely born to be a mum, I love it and I'm glad you do too! x
ReplyDeleteNice to know I'm not alone with my feelings!! I think hormones have a lot to answer for x
DeleteI don't know from any experience as my first baby is about to turn five months. But me and J were looking through newborn photos of L and missing it, missing her newbornness, her total dependency and the squishy cuddles. I look at my baby and I can't quite match the two or match the baby to my bump. But what makes me so happy is seeing her grow and make leaps and move forward in her own life. Her independence and determination that is all her own. We are hoping to have another baby in the future. At least one more. I need to come to terms with my birth experience first and also have at least one full nights sleep!
ReplyDeleteI hope you find the answers you need of the peace to move forward.
#PoCoLo
Thank you so much for your comment and congratulations on your first born!! x
DeleteMine hasn't gone away and we are trying for another. I don't know if it ever will go away for me to be honest! A lovely post. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x
ReplyDeleteThank you for hosting and good luck with conceiving again xx
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